Hookup To Relationship: Here’s Our 7 Exclusive Tips to Go from Hooking Up to a Serious Relationship
You’re falling for your fling – how to turn it into something more serious? Okay, it’s happened – exactly what you didn’t want when you both first embarked on this light, breezy, casual thing. You’ve gone and caught feels for your friend with benefits – darn!
You catch yourself daydreaming about them when you least expect it – and it doesn’t even have anything to do with sex! What would they think about this film? Or this song? And wouldn’t they just love this amazing Korean fried chicken burger? You’ll have to remember to bring them here the next time you’re together! Uh oh.
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You’ve started to make plans, and actually look forward to them. What happened to keeping it “cazj”, to only hooking up after midnight on a Saturday, to Netflix and chill?
It’s not the end of world – in fact, this happens a lot, and even better, many of those have actually evolved into legit relationships. Surely everyone knows at least one couple who met on Tinder and who are now shopping for baby clothes.
It’s not unthinkable that physical attraction can grow into affection and into a longer-lasting connection, so don’t beat yourself up over it! Relax, be honest with your feels and don’t bottle them up, but also learn be strategic.
Here’s a useful list of things to keep in mind when thinking of moving your hookup on to the next stage.
First, take a pause in your light daily obsessing, and ask if you actually want something more, something that looks like commitment. It’s easy to crave more of something enjoyable – hanging out more, sharing more, having more of their attention.
But an actual relationship also means giving more of yourself, your time and your commitment. If you’re genuinely loving your independence and freedom to see whoever you want and come and go as you please, you might want to keep things status quo for now.
If you’re intending to proceed, it might be useful to get a better sense of your current position. Just how into you are they?
Would they get jealous if you started seeing someone else? Would they take the initiative to see more of you if you went quiet for a while? In short, would you be missed, and how much?
You could start by reducing your contact, or giving some time before you reply. I know it can be difficult when all you want to do is jump on that message right away, but just remember, you’re out to gather important data for your next step.
If you start pulling back a little, and you don’t hear anything from them, then unfortunately the outlook isn’t too good.
While you’ve probably happily been going with the flow until now, you’re starting to take notice of a lot more of what’s happening between the lines. And be honest with your observations.
Do they ever ask about you when you’re together, or is it just about self-gratification? Are they out the door the minute the sex is over? Do they even say thank you or show appreciation for your time and attention?
If so, it’s probably safe to assume you’re more than just a warm body to them, and that’s a good thing.
And no, not literally, put your clothes back on – this one is about introducing more of yourself, your personality, your thoughts into the relationship, and see how that is received.
Who are you? What do you stand for? What interests you?
It’s probably a good time start showing more of this side of you, and gauge if they seem to be interested in your experiences, and share some of their own too? Realness comes with vulnerability, and this can help elevate and strengthen your connection.
Instead of the drunken weekend hookup, why not try introducing something different? Say you’ve started a new schedule, perhaps a night class, and see if they’re willing to change their plans to accommodate you.
If so, this shows they want to spend time with you too, and you’re not just a convenient booty call which slots in after the night out.
You might even think of initiating something non-sex related, perhaps a meal or a gig, and see where that goes.
Finally, even if things seem to be moving in the right direction, try to resist the temptation to start thinking in terms of labels, like “relationship” and “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”.
Everyone has different definitions of these terms, and attempting to DTR (define the relationship) too soon could only serve to work against you, and extinguish the beginnings of these little flickering flames.
Give it space to breathe and grow naturally and you’ll be on the right path. Good luck!