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Hooking up is commonly defined as “meaningless” casual sex encounters, without the usual relationship mix of emotional intimacy, bonding or committed relationship.
The meaning of hook up can be rather ambiguous, making it confusing to some that they’ll ask “What does hook up mean?” or ‘What is a hookup?’.
Essentially, hook ups includes zero promise of a serious relationship after casual sex.
It can involve kissing, fondling, hands on genitals, oral sex and sexual intercourse.
So, one-night stands, friends with benefits, flings, booty calls, no strings attached and casual dating could fall within the hookup genre.
Despite the popular belief of what hookups are, hookups don’t necessarily end with sex.
The definition of hook up is vague and on purpose too, as people can just communicate about it, minus revealing much details about it.
Interestingly enough, the term hookup wasn’t widely used in the media until the late 1990s and it did not become a popular culture until 2006.
Hookup culture is defined as as a culture where casual sex encounters are accepted and embraced, without the emotional ties or serious relationship.
It emerged as early as the 1920s, with the surge of automobiles and entertainment, such as movie theaters.
Young adults were able to leave home and explore their sexuality more freely, instead of dating at home with parental supervision.
According to a study in 2013, the most recent data suggest that between 60 percent and 80 percent of North American college students have had some sort of hook-up experience.
In a study in 2003, 70 percent of sexually active 12- to 21-year-olds reported having had uncommitted sex within the last year.
In another research, it was pointed out that there are inconsistencies on how college students define hookup.
It was noted that some students felt that hooking up generally refers to having sex while many use the term referring to something less than sexual intercourse.
In the US, hookups are usually closely associated with college culture.
Discover more on the different hookup cultures in various countries here.
If you’ve been wondering how to hook up and how to get a hookup, you came to the right place.
With the help of the best and free hookup apps, these have been become the Swiss Army knife for singles who are looking to fire up their sex life.
So much so, there has been a lot of chatter on Reddit about hookups and people enquiring what are the top hookup apps.
If you don’t know about Reddit already, it’s a popular website people go to for loads of news, discussions and also get answers on burning questions.
We’ve dug around and compiled the best 3 hookup apps according to Reddit.
Free version: Yes
1 week premium: USD 8.99
3 month premium: USD 16.99 per month
6 month premium: USD 13.99 per month
Bumble is well-known to be like Tinder but women are given the ability to control the conversation when connecting on the app.
Instead of waiting to be approached, women are given the “driver’s seat” as they have to make the first move of sending a message within 24 hours of matching.
The whole point of Bumble is to minimise harassment and abuse towards women on dating apps.
If you’re a woman and have gone through the ordeal of your inbox being flooded with messages by men on dating apps, you’ll enjoy the refreshing twist.
As for men, you get to sit back and relax instead and take a break from the need of making the first move all the time.
Also, due to the time limit given to send out a message and respond, people tend to get more genuine connections here and that means minimal ghosting.
OkCupid is great for hookups if you’re looking for compatible partners rather than just anybody who’s up for a hookup.
Known for its questionnaire and finding the right matches, OkCupid will prompt you to answer questions about yourself and the algorithm will match you accordingly.
The questions could include “Is astrological sign at all important in a match?” or even “Do you think homosexuality is a sin?”.
So while you have to answer quite a bit of questions, don’t skip them.
They do play a huge role in helping you find people you can vibe with.
You’ll also find that people are more expressive in their profiles so you’ll get a better feel of their personalities in one look.
This app is definitely not for those who want a quick hookup but would rather find ones who they can get along with on a foundational sense.
Free version: Yes
1 month premium: USD 19.99
3 month premium: USD 39.99
12-month subscription: USD 99.99
Grindr is well-known for its highly sexualised nature and one of the best hookup apps for gay men.
What you may not know about is that it is for also bi, trans and queer people.
There’s a likelihood you’ll also find straight men looking for trans people to hookup with here.
Grindr is quick in connecting people due to its grid view of profiles arranged, according to distance.
Also you can message anyone you want and don’t need to wait to match, in order to message them.
This app is definitely not safe at work as you’ll find a lot of semi nude profile pictures here.
If you want to know more about hookup apps, we’ve done the grunt work for you on where to find your next hookups and came up with full app and sites reviews for different categories:
Tinder is the inescapable swiping app of hookups.
You’ll find that Tinder will pop up in your conversation with your friends or they’re on it and you wonder why.
The answer is in the number of people using it.
It’s estimated that there are 66 million average monthly active users on Tinder, meaning it’s rich with tons of options to choose from.
According to a study by Leah Febvre, 48.3% of 395 young adults studied said the main reason why they use Tinder is due to its popularity.
Interestingly, only 5.1% used Tinder to hookup but 51.5 percent of them said they believed Tinder was designed for hooking up.
This probably explains why the term “Tinder hookup” has been used by people to inform friends of their hookup experience.
It’s important to remember that the meaning of hookup differs person to person.
Here are some of the burning questions about Tinder that people usually ask:
Tinder never marketed itself as a hookup app but its ease of use and short bio lead to people using it for such purposes.
With the amount of people on here, it’s also probably why many stick to it.
No, it isn’t. Tinder is a dating app, which can be used to meet new friends and new people as well.
People have even walked down the aisle after meeting on Tinder.
So, when you feel like changing fields, you can easily do it on Tinder.
If you’ve decided to dip your toe into hookups, you need what some would call “the hook up plan”.
It’ll be important to answer your questions such as how to hook up and where to find one.
This plan will guide you on what to do and how to navigate situations that may crop up.
We’ve put together this guide with common questions that may have popped up in your head.
In the past you would need to head to a bar and splurge obscene amounts of money on drinks, to hunt for a hookup.
With hookup apps and sites out there, it doesn’t have to be that complicated or even burn a hole in your pocket anymore.
But now your question is “how do I ask for a hookup?” on these apps and sites, once you’ve met someone you want to tumble with under the sheets.
Skip dinner and drinks for hookups with these tips on how to move from ‘hi’ to hookup.
1. Break the ice
Don’t just say hi when you send a message, but instead look at their profiles to find something interesting about them or ask them a question on their top favourite movies, if their main interest is that.
Whatever you come up with is going to be better than ‘hi’ or ‘hey’.
It will give an opening to a topic that both of you can talk about and move on to other topics easily, while keeping the conversation going.
Also, you can imagine how many people say ‘hi’ on these apps so breaking the ice helps you to stand out from the crowd.
2. Be witty
Many men seem always to be left with the question of why they can’t seem to get girls to hookup, or have a perception that women aren’t into hookups.
Both men and women may end up asking around on what they need to do to score one, how to hookup or ask “how do you hook up?” to friends.
I can tell you that wit and clever comebacks always help to win attention from both women and men.
If you take the effort to inject some fun humor, it is more likely that the person will stick by you for the rest of the conversation.
Don’t forget everyone gets tons of messages from different people and you need to steal the spotlight from them to gain attention on the apps.
3. Ask for their number
This is a rather touchy subject, especially women due to safety issues.
So, you need to use your better judgement and ease your way through this or even better, give your number as a first sign of trust.
But be ready that ladies will turn down the offer and would prefer to chat on the app, for privacy and safety concerns.
If that’s the case, just go with it and try your best to get the conversation going.
4. Send them clear messages
Don’t mislead them into thinking that you’re out to romance the person.
Ask them if they’re free tonight or tomorrow and tell them you’re up for a casual meet-up.
Most likely the person will ask you what you mean from that and don’t mince your word.
Be truthful in your intentions and the results may surprise you after all.
We don’t mean go nuts with it especially when you two first go on a date and hookup.
We’re talking about subtle touches and flirtatious ones but you need to know when to do it.
Read the vibe and see if the other person is getting comfortable and is at ease.
The right touches at the right time, sends signals to the person that you’re interested in them.
6. Make Out
This is also something you need to read if the other person is interested, don’t mind it and have the same idea.
Go with your guts on this one, as it can make or break the situation.
7. Ask if they want to come over
If both of you have been enjoying the night so far, try making the move and ask politely.
Go from there if the other person needs clarification of what that means, so both of you are clear on what to expect.
Some may just want to continue enjoying your company and that’s it.
So, be prepared if the person isn’t into hooking up that night but it never hurts to ask, when things are going well.
If you’re planning to hook up tonight or look for an instant hookup, this guide will help walk you through what you need to know to score one.
1. Where to find hookups or how to find hookups?
Wondering how to get a hookup?
We’re blessed with the technology to even connect from the comfort of our couch.
2. Do hookup sites work?
Yes, they do but just like anything in life, what works for others may not work for you.
You would have to experiment which one of the apps and sites match your dating style.
Also, the chances highly depend on your location as the apps usually find people close to you.
So if not many people in your area are on the chosen app, there won’t be many choices there.
But don’t give up.
It is highly possible to get hookups on apps and sites if you put some effort into it.
That also means sprucing up your profile and including better photos too, so you have better luck in attracting the right people to you.
3. How to find local hookups?
You can definitely start by using our guide on the best local hookup apps to find them.
Most of these apps use geolocation and easily points you in the direction of people who are nearby.
It’ll help you narrow down your search to people closest to you in terms of proximity.
That could include neighbors you passed by and may have been checking out but aren’t sure if they’re into it.
So, the date is set and you’re getting ready for some hot sex tonight.
Whether you’re an advanced player or not in this area, it’s never too late to learn new things that will enhance your experience and increase your chances of a great hookup.
Here are some our favourite tips on how to prepare for a hookup.
It’s important to do this and not rush for a hookup after a long day at work.
If it’s a spontaneous hookup, ask them if it’s okay with you to take a shower first.
More often than not, they’ll appreciate that you’re taking that effort to freshen up first.
Yes, it’s just a hookup but smelling great does play a huge role on how enjoyable the experience would be.
If you’re planning to use your fingers, remember to trim them and file them, so there are no sharp edges.
If you’re going to stick your tongue into someone’s mouth, bring either one of these for a nice snogging session.
You’re going for a hookup and not a party.
Keep your makeup to the minimal by not piling up foundation and eyeshadows.
Also, a good tip to keep in mind is to avoid waterproof mascara so you don’t end looking like a panda after a sweaty romp.
Whether you’re a lady or man, bring a couple with you.
You can never be too safe in this area.
Also, if you’re on the pill, make sure you’re taking them on time and if needed, bring one with you so you don’t forget.
Some people get nervous or anxious before meeting a hookup partner.
It’s perfectly normal and you can give yourself a bit of a pep talk before heading out.
Stand in front of a mirror and feed yourself positive mantras.
If you’re worried about your physical look, tell yourself you’re beautiful and you deserve a good time.
Tell someone where you’re going, when and tell them to contact you if they don’t hear from you in a couple of hours.
You’re meeting a stranger and even if they’re coming over your place, it’s still best to let a trusted friend know, so they can keep tabs on you to make sure you’re alright.
If at any point, your gut is giving you major red flags about the other person, don’t ignore it and leave whenever you need to.
Even if you’re at the person’s place, you have no obligation to stay if you’re getting bad vibes.
Eye contact play is the best foreplay and incredibly sexy.
If both of you are meeting outside before the sex to see if both of you jive, then make sure keep eye contact to show you’re interested to have sex tonight.
When getting down and dirty, keep the eye contact going.
It’s a major turn on for many and you’ll be surprised how something so small, can make a person go off the rockets.
Flaunt it. No one is perfect and when you’re confident and accepting of your body, your partner will tend to be more turned on by it.
Confidence is key to successful hookups as you’re not busy thinking about how you look, but just being present and enjoying the moment.
Yes, it’s just sex but it doesn’t mean the person on the other side doesn’t deserve respect.
Being respectful also means respecting their boundaries on how far they are willing to go.
So, ask them if they’re comfortable from time to time and also discuss with them about boundaries beforehand.
When lines are clear, you know exactly where you stand and won’t be hesitant about exploring certain positions with them.
After the deed is done, thank them for the good time before leaving.
Whenever you start to worry or overthink when both of you are in the heat of the moment, come back to the present and enjoy it!
Hookups are meant to be fun and meant to be enjoyed.
So, don’t get carried away with stress and anxiety about whether you’re doing this right, and focus on having a good time while giving your partner the same too.
While in the ideal world, a casual encounter or hookup should only involve carefree sex and nothing else.
But if both of you have been hooking up for some time there’s a huge chance one of you will develop feelings.
This is why one of the main rules for hookups is that you don’t drag the arrangement for months.
But we get it.
Sometimes you meet with someone whom you just have tons of chemistry with and thinking there’s no harm to it.
If you’re starting to get vibes that the person has feelings for you, then it’s definitely time to look for the signs.
Here are some signs of what you could look out for.
When both of you are texting or calling everyday and exchanging pictures of your daily lives, then it’s time to re-think this.
But if the other person is the one texting you constantly, then it’s usually a sign that something is up.
The number one rule in hookups is to never sleep over. If you or them start to stay over often, there’s a possibility that at least one of you is catching feelings.
Men generally don’t even give gifts to their friends and family.
If they start giving you gifts including flowers, it’s best to ask what’s going on.
Hookup partners don’t go on dates and definitely don’t do anything romantic like dinners and movies.
Also, no PDA is usually in any hookup arrangement.
But if they start kissing you and holding your hands in public, there’s a good chance that some feelings are involved.
Cuddles or anything that displays physical affection of sorts after sex, could be an indication that feelings are developing.
But some people may just like it because it was in the moment and they felt the need for some physical contact.
If both of you have agreed to not cuddle from the very beginning, then casually ask what’s up.
If they start asking you about your exes or even start to question if you’re seeing anyone else, that’s a pretty sure sign they are feeling something towards you.
If they start talking about their past or heavy stuff, this could be an indication of something more.
People tend to keep their topics light and easy during hookups and don’t dive deep, beyond the surface.
Your gut tells you that something has changed.
You aren’t able to put them into words but you know that there’s a shift in the dynamics.
Your gut is always right and if you feel bothered by it, by all means, ask the person.
It’s better to know than to leave you overthinking about it.
Ending any relationship including a hookup relationship, can be filled with a lot of anxiety and guilt.
Most people would tend to just silently leave it and not respond to texts.
However there are better ways to go about it that are respectful and mature.
Some people don’t want to do this because they don’t want to deal with what could possibly come up from the conversation.
But if both of you have been hooking up for extended periods of time, you should definitely tell the person about it.
Don’t pull a disappearing act as we all know how that feels like and if you haven’t experienced it before, then try to imagine being on the other side.
Be honest with the reason why you’re ending it.
If you’re breaking things off because you found other people to have fun with, tell them and not blame it on something else.
It may sting for a while but it’s better to be straight about it.
Sometimes one of you wants to have one last round of sex, before parting ways.
It’s best not to because it gives confusing signals if things have really ended or not.
After you’ve ended the arrangement, don’t keep texting them.
Not only does it give confusing signals, but it could add salt to the wound for them.
Sometimes the other person may get angry and say something negatively.
But don’t get disheartened by this and know that it’s a natural reaction.
Remember that you’re entitled to your feelings and to do what’s best for your well-being.
If the person is trying to convince you to change your mind, don’t falter on your decision.
You have every right to be selfish and that doesn’t make you a bad person.
We heard you.
Hookups can be a tricky thing to navigate around and you don’t want to step into a land mine of dramas.
It’s important to arm yourself with the right information before you make a decision on whether hookups are meant for you, what to do after hooking up and who should text first.
Sometimes, you may be caught in situations where you have no idea what’s running through the other person’s head.
We’ve compiled all the answers to your burning questions on hookups here, so you know what to do.
The meaning of hookup is something that is ambiguous among individuals, regardless of gender.
For some, it could mean just kissing and for others, it’s definitely pass second or even third base.
So, it’s important to ask him to define hookup as he may have his own version and not to assume the answer.
There could be several things that run through his head after getting laid:
These are just several possible thoughts but men tend to not be in touch with their emotions after sex, compared to women.
Most of the time, it’s a hit and run situation for them, so don’t expect any relationship or romantic thoughts and gestures from them.
Yes, it may happen but it’s very rare and one shouldn’t go into hookups, hoping it’ll change the guy’s mind.
Usually, the answer is no.
The major factor that usually comes into play is that people confuse sex with love.
If both of you have been hooking up several times and have made things clear of what it is, it doesn’t mean they have caught feelings for you.
That goes for both men and women.
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you as a person, but he may not see a future together.
It has happened before of course, but that situation is pretty rare to say the least.
If you’ve been hooking up often and want to check-in on where you guys are, just ask to clear the air rather than overthinking the situation.
If any of this rings a bell, then it’s best to talk to the person about it and have an honest discussion between you two if this is leading to something more.
Do think about what you’ll say in different scenarios depending on the person’s answers, before bringing it up though.
You need to also provide an answer of what you want and where you want this to go.
Many men think that the ladies are not able to separate their emotions from sex.
But in today’s world, more often than not, a lot of girls actually understand that a hook up is a hook up.
This means they understand it’s something temporary, fleeting and enjoying the moment for what it is.
But again, the definition of a hookup differs between people and believe it or not, for some it means just going out together and nothing more.
So communicate what it means to her and what it means to you, so both of you are clear from the start before venturing further.
According to the American Psychological Association, 60 percent and 80 percent of North American college students have had some sort of hook-up experience.
In the same article, research conducted done on college campuses, 70 percent of sexually active 12- to 21-year-olds reported having had uncommitted sex within the last year.
Keep in mind that hook up activities may include a broad range of sexual behaviors, such as kissing, oral sex and penetrative intercourse.
It can be if proper precautions are not taken such as unprotected sex which could lead to STDs and unwanted pregnancies.
This could also include not taking precautions when you meet up or go over the person’s place.
The other person is a stranger and anything could happen, which is why you need to be extra careful who you go home with.
If your gut feeling is telling you danger, then you need to listen to it.
It has been reported that some people may experience emotional turmoil from hookups such as regret, feeling lonely and impact on their self-esteem.
So, if you know you’ll get attached to someone after sex, don’t go into hookups just because you think others are.
Hookups are not for everybody and that’s fine.
To each his own.
No, not necessarily.
Sometimes two people enjoy the physical attraction that they would exchange numbers and agree to meet again.
But it usually doesn’t last long, as it’s meant to be a temporary connection.
If the arrangement goes on for some time, it’s time to evaluate how you feel and better yet, ask the person too.
It’s important to enter hookups with boundaries.
But catching feelings is nothing new, especially if both of you have been hooking up for some time.
The first thing you need to ask yourself is what exactly are you feeling and if it’s something you want to develop further.
Sometimes being in the situation can cloud one’s judgement into thinking what you feel is something more than infatuation, so take a step back and reflect.
If you feel it’s a genuine romantic feeling, you can consider talking to the other person about it.
Even if the other person says no to taking further steps and it’s unpleasant to hear, at least you got an honest answer.
You can then move on, rather than being left uncertain or worse, hopeful and feel like you’re being dragged along for the ride.
First, ask yourself if this friend is someone you’re willing to risk losing.
Not all hookups end well and it’s a huge possibility that the friendship cannot continue after sex.
If you’re okay with the risk, casually bring it up with a friend that you find attractive and if they’re open to some casual fun.
Men experience a drop in testosterone after sex, which makes them feel like pulling away while women release oxytocin, which tends to make them want to get closer like cuddle and talk.
It could also mean that he’s thinking about what a hook-up means to him and yourself.
But men aren’t as open about their feelings compared to women and tend to pull away and avoid the whole conversation, especially if it’s a question they themselves can’t answer at the time.
If both of you didn’t go into the hookup with boundaries, then be cool and give him space first before bringing it up.
Keep it casual and say that you had fun that night.
See what the person says after that and ask if you guys could have a repeat again.
Don’t go into deep talks but it doesn’t mean you keep the conversation ice cold.
Make it fun and inject some humor along the way.
First, you need to be prepared that the person isn’t interested and that could come in different blows.
The person could non-responsive, reply you saying they’re not interested or that they’re already in a relationship with someone.
If you’re ready for the possible blowback and rejection, then you have nothing to lose.
If your intention is clearly to hookup, then we would suggest sending a late night text so you open the invitation but not a wide one.
This will clearly show the invitation is to hook up only and not anything else.
Try lines like:
Both can text first.
There’s no hard and fast rule on this but you can wait for a day or two, especially if both of you have expressed interest in meeting again.
You got to go with your guts and take a dive on chance.
Sometimes, you just got to take the plunge and not overthink the situation.
When you act under pressure because you’re bursting at the seams, it usually ends with an unfavourable result.
So when you feel like doing it and not forcing the situation, just go ahead with it.
Craigslist Personals was really popular in the past for casual sexual encounters but was later taken down in 2010.
To find what are the best Craigslist Personals replacements and alternatives, check out our hookup app and site reviews, especially this review.
If you mean right after, then the first thing you need to not do after sex is not go into post-sex cuddles.
Cuddles are a way to get emotionally close and that’s not what a hookup is for.
If you can’t stand the silence, then start a super light conversation.
You could even talk about the sex, depending on the dynamic and interest between you two.
But whatever it is, do not start talking about views on relationships or marriage.
Another option is to gather yourself quickly, tell them thanks and leave politely.
(Last Updated: 19 April 2021)
About the Author
Kelvin Kevin is the Chief Marketing Officer and Chief Content Editor of the World-Renowned HappyMatches.com Dating App and Dating Site. An avid writer since young, he is an Expert Dating and Relationships Coach for Casual Dating, Serious Dating and General Dating. You can follow him on Twitter (@HowToDateBetter), and also check out his personal Dating Blog, for the latest Dating Advice and Dating Tips to help Straight, Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Singles and Couples find and enjoy Fulfilling and Intimate Dating Relationships.
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