FWB Dating: Don’t Commit These 5 Mistakes in Your Friends With Benefits Relationship
It’s true that everybody makes mistakes. But sometimes, costly mistakes can break your delightful and steamy FWB Relationship. Mistakes are most likely to happen when you’re both getting comfortable with each other, but that’s perfectly normal.
We can’t help it sometimes, but here are the 5 Cardinal Mistakes that shouldn’t be committed if you want to make the most of your Friends With Benefits Relationship.
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So both of you have set the ground rules at the start of your FWB Relationship – you both have previously made it a point to never talk about family, lovers or anything that is emotionally burdensome. After hanging out for a while, it seems like both of you have slipped and started to confide in each other over a myriad of emotional matters.
It is extremely important to re-visit the ground rules again, just like the beginning when you decided to be f*ck buddies. With all the orgiastic infatuation at the start of your Fwb Relationship, it’s understandable that these heart-to-heart talks don’t happen initially. However with the excitement dying down, it’s inevitable that more conversations would ensue.
When that happens, set the boundaries and ground rules straight again – talk about questions like ‘How often do you both meet in a week? Should you text or call each other (with the exception of a booty call?), How frequently should you text and how much is too much? Is it ok to see or sleep with other people?’
… And the list goes on and on. It is thus extremely important to re-establish the ground rules based on both of your expectations. If there is a wide gap between the both of your expectations, it may be time to move on to someone new.
Things get really complicated in a Friends With Benefits Relationship when one FWB falls for the other – and the other partner doesn’t feel the same way. This is when things get ugly and the FWB Relationship may come to a complete standstill.
Once you have an inkling of this happening, it is best for you to speak openly to your FWB to determine if she/he feels the same way as well. If she/he does, you both can proceed out of FWB Dating to the next level of a Serious Relationship.
If she/he is not in love with you though, you would probably have to ask yourself very honestly if you’re willing to carry on this FWB Relationship (without any feelings involved), as there is a high chance you would end up heartbroken and torn from her/his lack of devotion towards you.
You must always remember that your FWB is purely a person whom you like and have regular sex with; someone who is not in any way committed to you. Interestingly, people have difficulty grasping this concept and somehow associate and liken the idea of an FWB to be the same as a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
We don’t blame these people though; because the line between a FWB and a potential serious date could be really thin and ambiguous. This is especially so because of dating apps and websites which masquerade as serious dating platforms but are in fact swarming with users looking for a one-night stand without any strings attached.
It’s great if your ‘first date’ ended up with a series of multiple orgasms, but you need to manage your expectations a little – what are the chances of a serious date wanting to have sex on the first meet up? Although the line between a FWB and a serious date is fine, it really isn’t that hard to distinguish the two with simple logic.
At the end of the day, you should not harbor any unrealistic expectations of your FWB (or date, for that matter) as he may just be in for the sex and really, nothing else. This is the reality of FWB Dating.
If you are turning up at her/his place without any warning and “accidentally” bumping into girlfriends/mates whom she/he hangs out with just to check them out, you’re disrespecting your FWB’s boundaries.
Even if you do harbor the intention of gathering more f*ck buddies from her/his circle of friends, you’d need to do so a little more discreetly. Slipping a note into their wallets during an innocent gathering could be a start – and then perhaps slipping off for a toilet break which would “coincidentally” lead to a quickie.
Alternatively, if you’re calling her/him throughout the day and messing up with her/his plans with a new guy/girl she/he had just met at the bar last night, you are also disrespecting her/his private space and time. Such actions suggest that you’re allowing emotions to come into the picture, and this cardinal sin may essentially burn the bridges with your current FWB.
Having been FWBs for over a year, things have started to become odd; there’s this uncomfortable awkwardness and the sporadic sex and orgasms are really not helping either.
If this is happening, the flame has probably died out but somehow both of you are still hanging on to it for whatever reason. You both engage in mediocre, boring, robotic sex but you both still go at it anyway. If things have gotten to this stage, it’s high time to move on to a new FWB to refresh things a little.
Trying to maintain a FWB Relationship which has reached its expiry date is akin to you abusing your self-worth. You’d start to associate the lack of excitement to your insufficiency; and you start to beat yourself up when really, there’s nothing wrong with you.
There’s no need to commit to a “Long Term FWB” because that term is an oxymoron and it doesn’t exist.
At the end of the day, always remember that FWB Relationships are non-committal, and that emotions should never come into the picture.
That’s a sure-fire way to tell that the Friends With Benefits Relationship is going the wrong way. Respect each other’s boundaries, and enjoy each other.
If things get stale, there is no need for heartaches and such. That’s the beauty of FWB Dating and having FWBs.