Lesbian Hookup: Here’s Our Top 8 Exclusive Tips on How to Meet Other Lesbian Girls
After doing lots of research and receiving practical insights from our HappyMatches members, we share our Top Tips for the newly out queer woman in a straight world
This is undoubtedly a heady time for any girl. Big decisions have been made, and now you’re ready to take that first step into decisively new territory.
Maybe you’ve never made the first move, and maybe you’ve only ever dated straight men – whatever the narrative, you’ll quickly come to realize hooking up with women can be quite different from hooking up with men.
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Many queer women who have ever dated men are quick to point out how easy dating a man can be compared to a woman. Men are pretty straightforward creatures, and as long as your signal reads loud and clear, and they’re attracted to you, you can be sure it will be pretty much well-received.
However, women tend to be more elusive to tune into. Unless she’s already part of a queer community, it’s hard to tell if she’s that way inclined, or whether she would be open to experimenting. Or maybe she’s just being friendly, or maybe thinks you’re just being friendly. Or maybe she’s just trying to let you down easy. Maybe.
We’ve compiled a handy list of Top Online Dating “dos” and “don’ts” for the newly out lesbian woman seeking other lesbian girls – sometimes it takes a useful pointer or two to get you started down the right path.
One of the best ways to get out there and meet other queer, bi or lesbian women is to involve yourself in your friendly LGBTQ community.
How do you find out where this exists? Ask your other lesbian and gay friends, look online and get stuck in.
Join a club, a hobby group, a regular activity – this is how you start to network and get connected and find your place, and eventually your own voice, within that sphere. It represents a safe space, and that’s always a lovely place to be for any rookie lesbian lady.
Preferably someone who’s been on the scene for a bit longer than yourself who can take you under her wing and show you the ropes.
Having someone bring you into her scene and circle of queer friends is always less intimidating, and opens up multiple opportunities for more shared events and intimate hangs.
Traversing new terrain is always an exciting prospect, but it’s also worth taking some time out to think about where your own personal boundaries might lie.
It’s easy enough to get carried away in the wild romance of the moment, but it shows maturity and consideration to know if what you’re looking for is a thrilling dalliance or something a bit more long-term.
It’s not just about you staking out new ground.
So you’ve nailed the eye contact, and the sparkling conversation – but now what do you do?
It’s easy to get to this stage and congratulate yourself on your animal magnetism, but fail to get the point across that what you is to hook up, and not be BFF.
Be bold and liberally sprinkle your repartee with stories of “your ex-girlfriend” or “that beautiful girl who works at the bookstore”.
Leave her in no doubt as to your intentions or orientation. Don’t just be friendly, flirt!
Who buys the drinks? Who holds the power? Who’s butch and who’s femme?
Getting too caught up in working out which labels you can apply is a sure way to lose the moment and get too much into your own head.
Whenever in doubt, remember to leave some space to allow things to evolve naturally – sometimes that can be the sexiest.
Doing something new is always a great opportunity to get yourself out of your comfort zone and expanding your bandwidth, but be wary of spreading yourself too thin in the wrong direction.
Finding yourself lost at a decadent party when you’re generally a novel-reading homebody, or bringing up the rear at a lesbian kickball tournament when you’d rather be out shopping can make you feel left out and leave a lingering bad feeling about it all.
Instead, seek out groups with similar interests.
You’re right now probably going through an intense process of working out how you feel and what you think about being a queer, bi or lesbian woman in a straight world, and understanding how to operate in it.
It’s therefore a good time to seek out a like-minded community to learn and play in, and which you will ultimately influence and give back to.
Happy seeking and happy finding your Lesbian Partner and Lesbian Hookup!