Are you attracted to a friend that you have been thinking of having a casual thing with?
But you have no idea how to get into a Friends with Benefits (FWB) without it going nuclear or someone getting hurt?
There is no single story on how FWB starts as everyone is different and no story is exactly alike.
It could be a way for two friends, who conveniently became single at the same time and want sex without the commitment issues to deal with later.
Or you want to have fun after just going through a major breakup.
Maybe you’ve been attracted to a friend but never did anything until it became a “Netflix and chill” session after a few outings together.
FWB is definitely a fun way to get it going with someone you like and trust, especially when you’re not interested in a full-blown commitment right now.
As great as FWB is, it can quickly fall into the quicksand of complications if you do not lay the bricks and set certain rules.
As tempting as that is to just jump right into the sex, it could become unnecessarily messy and leave some heartbreaks along the way.
If you want to reap the benefits of FWB but avoid the landslides of friendships along the way, take note of these rules and let these be your North Star in your FWBs.
It can get easy to get carried away but always ask if the other person is okay with anything you do.
This includes any sexual fantasies you want to try with your friend.
Avoid assuming that that anything goes to avoid any confusion or lines being crossed.
In any relationship or even hookups, consent must always be asked and respected.
This goes together with being real picky about who you choose as your FWB.
Finding someone who doesn’t refrain you from talking about certain topics such as what happens if one of you develops feelings, will make the process smoother.
Being able to open up without being shut down in anything between both of you is important as it indicates trust and honesty in the dynamics.
You may think women are the only ones who think FWB will turn into a serious relationship.
But men are equally just as guilty in this case.
Don’t turn this into a foundation to get into a relationship.
Yes, some FWB relationships do end up changing into a committed relationship but more often than not, it doesn’t.
In this study on FWB relationships, it showed that “those who wanted their FWBR to transition into a friendship typically obtained that outcome (59%), whereas those who wanted to transition into a romantic relationship did not (15%).”
So, don’t hope for a happily ever after between you two because that always messes with the good thing you guys got going.
And instead, enjoy the sex and each other’s company while the attraction lasts.
Jealousy could actually appear when you least expect it especially when you find out your FWB friend has multiple partners.
This seems counterintuitive but if both of you have agreed to not be exclusive, don’t let it consume you.
However, if it prolongs, then it is best to ask yourself if a FWB is a right fit for you and talk about it as jealousy is a pretty horrible feeling to linger around in your life!
Nobody needs that.
Instead, focus your attention on other people who are important in your life.
This may come natural (because who don’t like cuddles?) to both of you especially after seeing each other naked.
Whatever you do, cut the cuddling after sex out.
If you want to keep the situation free of emotions, don’t create opportunities to deepen the bond between you two.
If you feel temptation, feel free to get up and move around so you’re not tempted to cuddle or do more romantic things with the person.
Following up to what was said earlier about not deepening the bond, skip sleeping over and it is perfectly okay to leave within one or two hour after you arrive.
Don’t linger in hopes of something more or because you feel rude to leave so soon.
Use the rubber. And that goes for all bedroom romps, especially if both of you are seeing other people and are not exclusive.
This also eliminates the worry about having an unexpected pregnancy with someone you have no serious interest in.
This also means protecting yourself from any potential STDs.
Life is too short for worries like that anyway.
If you are seeing each other practically everyday, you’re most likely going to develop something more intense than a FWB.
One of you may start catching feelings and it may result in the end of the arrangement.
Don’t exhaust the dynamics you got going on and have fun!
If you have agreed to seeing other people, then go and take your pick from dating apps and meet new people!
Tell each other what you like, don’t and what you would like to try with the other person.
If you try it and don’t like it, there is no harm in telling the other person.
This is meant to be fun for the both of you!
So, don’t be afraid to speak up when something doesn’t tickle your fancy!
And also, check in with your FWB partner too on what they want to experiment with.
They’ll appreciate it more than you think!
This shouldn’t be alarming to you but needs to be in here to serve as a reminder.
If both of you are having sex with each other for six months, chances are you are bordering into a serious relationship and need to ask yourself what this means.
Either set a deadline on when this would end from the very start or end it after three months the most.
If you prolong it, you got to ask yourself why. Are you getting attached?
If you are, it is best to talk openly about it with the other person.
(Last Updated: 19 October 2020)
About the Author
Kelvin Kevin is the Chief Marketing Officer and Chief Content Editor of the World-Renowned HappyMatches.com Dating App and Dating Site. An avid writer since young, he is an Expert Dating and Relationships Coach for Casual Dating, Serious Dating and General Dating. You can follow him on Twitter (@HowToDateBetter), and also check out his personal Dating Blog, for the latest Dating Advice and Dating Tips to help Straight, Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Singles and Couples find and enjoy Fulfilling and Intimate Dating Relationships.
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