No matter what people say, dating is really tough.
Even with the hundreds of apps to help us connect with other people, it gets daunting as your search never seems to end.
It could be the creepy date pestering you non-stop on where you are (stalker much?), the one who automatically thinks both of you are in a relationship after one date (yup, auto sign-up) or the jerk who makes offensive sexist jokes.
All these only means sucking out more energy than you want to.
These are probably what attracted you to Friends With Benefits (FWB) relationships in the first place.
You get some hot casual sex action with someone you already share things in common with, but who you know you would never get into anything serious with.
However, FWB arrangements are still essentially a type of relationship.
And it has a limited shelf life and it is never meant to last long.
So, when or how do you know when to end it then?
Although initially both of you have sat down and laid down the rules, human beings can be fickle and may change their mind based on their emotions.
If you feel your FWB is changing it or you catch yourself making tweaks to it here and there, you may have to ask yourself why.
If one of you starts catching feelings, it’s time to go back to the drawing board and find out what’s up.
Honesty and trust are fundamental to any relationship and that includes FWBs.
A FWB arrangement is meant to be temporary.
For some, it is to fill a void when you’re not in a committed relationship with someone.
However, if you are saying no to potentially great dates (when you’re ready for something serious) because you have settled in with the comfort of your FWB, it’s time to cut the cord.
Hanging on will leave you and your FWB drained as it puts more pressure on the relationship for something that isn’t going to last.
FWBs are meant to be fun and should put you in a good mood when you see their faces.
But if you’re pining for them and you are left crushed every time the person leaves, then it is time to get the heck out of the arrangement!
You deserve happiness and if you are no longer happy with it, you should end it and tell your FWB honestly about how you’re feeling.
Fulfilling each other’s sexual desires and needs, minus the emotions, is why you guys got into a FWB relationship in the first place.
If the hot sex has slowly waned, it’s okay to call it a day to find a new partner, whether it is for a serious relationship or another hookup.
If you find it doesn’t make you happy or the fire has been put out, you might be better off finding a new relationship or be single for awhile.
Stop while you’re ahead of it!
If any of these signs are ringing alarm bells in your head, it’s time to move to the next phase.
“The break up”.
This goes without saying whether you want to stay friends or not.
Break the news gently to your friend face-to-face.
Don’t resort to sending that one liner text that “it’s over” just because it is way easier and less nerve-wrecking.
A friend should never do that and would be willing to show up for the friendship.
You entered the arrangements as two adults and you should end it together as so.
If you mean it, you should tell them how much of a good time both of you had and how much you appreciate him or her as a person and friend.
A FWB is built upon a friendship and that means caring for the person.
Explain to them that this doesn’t mean you guys are not seeing each other anymore but it means that the sex part of the relationship has run its course and it was great while it did.
But you need to move on.
Explain to them why you’re ending it.
It could be a multitude of reasons such as the sex isn’t as fun, that you and someone else have become serious or that maybe you’re in a period of figuring things out.
Whatever the reason is, be truthful and don’t lie about the reason.
As hard as it could be for the other person to hear it, it is best to be honest about it rather than them finding out the truth later on, which could damage the friendship permanently!
This especially rings true if one of you have developed feelings for the other.
This may feel counter-intuitive especially if you have enjoyed their company and don’t want to let them go.
But trust us, it will be good for both of you to take some time off each other before picking up the friendship again.
Otherwise, you risk overcomplicating the situation and it’ll be too late to salvage the friendship before you know it.
Be clear that you want to maintain the friendship and it doesn’t mean you guys won’t see each other anymore.
So, you’ve made the decision and you’ve told the person about how you feel.
Both have agreed to end the FWB part of the friendship.
Don’t reverse your decision when things get harder than you thought it would be.
It could be getting over your feelings for them or you had a rough dating experience.
Backing off from your original decision will only make the other person feel like they’re being used and can overcomplicate the matter unnecessarily.
You made a clean break and you should leave it at that.
Stick to your decision once you’ve made it and instead focus on your relationship with friends and family.
(16 November 2020)
About the Author
Kelvin Kevin is the Chief Marketing Officer and Chief Content Editor of the World-Renowned HappyMatches.com Dating App and Dating Site. An avid writer since young, he is an Expert Dating and Relationships Coach for Casual Dating, Serious Dating and General Dating. You can follow him on Twitter (@HowToDateBetter), and also check out his personal Dating Blog, for the latest Dating Advice and Dating Tips to help Straight, Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Singles and Couples find and enjoy Fulfilling and Intimate Dating Relationships.
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