Hookup or Relationship: 7 Exclusive Tips to Know Whether It’s Just a Hook Up or a Relationship
It’s been going on for a few months, but nothing seems to have changed much. You both text each other everyday, but you don’t really know what he does most of the time. You both still have great sex, but you don’t know if you’re the only girl and you don’t want to ask.
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So are you in a Hookup Relationship or in a real Romantic Relationship? Here’s a handy checklist of our 7 Proprietary Pointers to help you read his signs … Enjoy!
Yes, it can be infuriating when you catch yourself drifting down the path towards trying to define your “casual” relationship, but it’s only human nature, and girlfriend, we’ve all been there.
Unfortunately, another all-too-human tendency we have which can cloud our judgment of the situation is something called “confirmation bias” – when we actively seek out information that supports a preconceived belief, however misled.
So you might find yourself reading into every emoji in his texts and obsessing over his comments on social media trying to find scraps of evidence that he might actually be in love with you but is simply too afraid to say, driving yourself crazy.
We’re here to help – here’s a handy list of questions to analyse your current situation, and hopefully bring some clarity.
Does your phone reliably start pinging after midnight on a Saturday after a few drinks with his mates?
If his main intention is just to hook up on a regular basis, you’ll find him especially attentive when initiating a last minute booty call, perhaps even plying you with lavish compliments, mostly about how hot you are – but most other times, especially in broad daylight, he’ll be otherwise unresponsive, and he’ll hardly ever make small talk.
On the other hand, if you find him pinging you in the morning when he wakes and throughout the day, happy to chat about nothing much and asking what you’re up to generally, this guy has probably got you on his mind.
How much notice does he usually give you before he wants to see you? This is generally a good indication of how much consideration he has for you, aka respect.
For example, if he bombards you with texts out of the blue with sweet words about how much he needs and misses you now, and tries to convince you to break off existing appointments and change your plans to hang out, this boy is not a keeper. Once or twice can possibly be down to spontaneous romantic fun, but not if this is his usual SOP.
Conversely, if he’s into you, he will ask about your day or week and will try to work with your schedule, maybe even plan a day or two ahead.
If it’s all about sweet lovin’ in the privacy of his or your place, that’s cool – but if it’s nowhere else, ever, and that’s all you guys ever do, then clearly it’s just a hookup thing.
If he’s into you, he’ll want to be out in public with you too, doing things together that isn’t just sex – meals, drinks, gigs, hanging out.
Maybe it hasn’t yet reached the stage where you’re hanging out together with his friends, but as long as there is the element of having fun together, you could be in dating territory.
He loves telling you how great you look, and all the things he wants to do to you – hmmm, sexy! Maybe you’ve also talked about previous relationships and what he liked or didn’t like about them.
Now, how about non-sexual stuff? Like where he grew up, what he studied, what he does for work, what he thinks about Stranger Things, what’s his favorite food? If you’re drawing a blank, you guys probably don’t share much of a connection.
On the other hand, if this guy was into you, not only would you know all this about him, even better, he’d know all this about you! He would ask for your opinions and be interested to know your stories, and even share some of his own – after all, the best connections are built on shared values, humor and friendship.
Think you know the answer to this one too. Flinching when you take a wefie, not following you on social media, and portraying himself very much the footloose, fancy-free single guy – all these aren’t great predictors of a budding relationship.
You’ll know he’s interested in meshing with your life when he tags you in photos, and likes your posts, and generally maintains a healthy level of interest in you and your friends.
Also he’s not afraid to let his social circle know he’s hanging out with you – maybe he’s even proud of it.
Go with your gut – more often than not, we usually know if he wants more than just a hookup. It just gets complicated when we start wanting it to be something it’s not, or needing definitions in order to have something to hang on to.
Play it cool, and at the end of the day, don’t be afraid to ask him straight out “what are we?” – it doesn’t necessarily have to be an awkward question especially if you can respect an honest answer.
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